Please remember that God is Love. God did not will your loved one to commit suicide. He allowed it because He gave that person free will. God grieves with you. God loves the person more than you do because he has loved this person from all eternity. Please don't stop believing that God is Good. That is a temptation of satan who wants you to give up, lose hope, and become filled with bitterness. In Psalm 23:4 we pray, "Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side." Truly to experience the suicide of a loved one is to walk through the dark valley. But we must walk through the darkness to come to the Light on the other side, and we must realize that our Good Shepherd is right beside us all the way.
Remember also that God is outside of time. The past, present, and future are all present to Him. St. Padre Pio said that he could just as easily pray for the happy death of one of his great grandparents as for a person who was dying today. Please take all the anguish that you are feeling and unite it to the prayer of Jesus; He shared the pain of your beloved person when He cried out while dying, "My God, My God why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:47). God will see this powerful prayer that you and Jesus pray today, and He will apply it to the moment that your beloved person died. At that moment God the Father could see your future prayer and He never lets any prayer be lost; Jesus showed this after the miracle of the loaves and fishes when He said, "Gather the fragments that are left over, lest they be wasted" (John 6:13). This means THAT YOUR LOVE AND YOUR PRAYER WERE PRESENT at the moment that your beloved person died.
How can your love and prayer help your beloved person? They can help very much because at the moment a person dies he/she experiences the particular judgment. At that moment of seeing his/her earthly life in review, the person has the opportunity to seek God's Mercy. Our prayers and love will help our beloved person be open to receiving the Infinite Love and Mercy of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
So don't waste all the terrible anguish you are experiencing. Ask our Heavenly Mother Mary, who is the Mother of Sorrows and who anguished over her Son's brutal death to take you and your anguish into her Immaculate Heart. United to her powerful motherly prayer (which brought God down from His Royal Throne) your suffering will become very fruitful for helping your beloved person and many other people to come finally to the place where God will wipe away every tear from our eyes (Revelation 21:4).
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